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| 01:50pm 12/09/2007 |
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mood:  amused
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hahahahahaha omg that was great. XD |
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embrace the evil |
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| well that was interesting |
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| 03:47pm 20/02/2007 |
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i checked my lj after work today and really all i can say is wow. i had no idea all that was going on while i was asleep in my bed. people defending me while others trying to bring me down. it was sorta like a little mini war in my name. lol but anyway i just wanted to say a few things and i thought that maybe it would have been lost in the mass of comments in my previous post. firstly i want to give thanks to brittany my big sister she always had a way with words. second i would like to thank my sisters friends. i know who you are and im glad you stuck up for me. and to the other people whoever you are, thank you.
now for billy and ashleigh. im sorry that i moved on with my life and im not there to jump through hoops for you. but honestly im flattered that you're still thinking of me and take the time to look at my myspace to get the photo, type up a "lame" poem on it, and then post it in my lj. btw ashleigh your poem didnt even rhyme nor was it the least bit creative or original. maybe if you tried to actually put some thought into it than you would have gone alot farther with it. maybe you two are lashing out at me because of what i said to same back in december. but i will stand fast by what i said and i will say it again. any girl who knowingly helps 2 guys cheat on their girlfriends is a slut. there are no if, ands, or buts about it. shes a slut and everyone knows it. with her reputation i would have ran to a different state too. |
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88 souls - embrace the evil |
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| 10:41pm 31/01/2007 |
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I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU
yup yup i love you alli baby!
much love
bee |
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83 souls - embrace the evil |
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| yay to stuff |
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| 02:15pm 04/12/2006 |
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mood:  bouncy
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w00t i got my guitars back! and my posters... though i only got 2 back and they are ripped grrrrr.... anyways im finally getting things back in order in my room and it feels awesome to be back. ive been picking up apps and what not. oh btw kevin gets a discount at the barnes and noble cafe which is basically starbucks w00t!!!!! hehehe we got 2 grande fraps for 4 bucks. i love my friends ^_^
much love
bee |
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2 souls - embrace the evil |
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| 11:52pm 03/12/2006 |
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OMG OMG OMG I WANT A MINI COOPER SO BADLY!!! lol i test drove one today and it was so amazing. i loved it so much ^_^
the parents are gone for the week so ive got the house all to myself till saturday. im throwing a party friday!
much love
bee |
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embrace the evil |
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| im leavin on a jet plane, i dont know when ill be back again |
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| 04:51am 30/11/2006 |
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mood: excited music: john denver - leaving on a jet plane
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goodbye kansas and hello florida. im about to leave for the airport and everything is packed and my room is spotless. i cant wait to be back home. ive been gone for 6 months and 1 day. i will say this though that me coming to kansas was actually a good thing. it helped put things into perspective. ive learned alot in my 6 months of being here and it did allow for some time away from the hectic florida life that ive grown to love. i just wanted to say thanks to my father for taking me in and doing all that he did for me. and thank you to the few friends that kept contact with me while i was away. you guys are truely my great friends that i will cherish forever. welp this is goodbye to kansas... hopefully not for good though. i would like to come back sometime, maybe not to live but to visit. also even though she wont read this goodbye to alli. timing is everything and well we just had bad timing i guess. ill miss ya and hope we meet again and hang out.
much love
bee |
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1 soul - embrace the evil |
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| 02:24am 29/11/2006 |
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mood:  worried
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so my mom might have cancer.... will find out for sure thursday. =(
bee |
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embrace the evil |
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| 02:18am 23/11/2006 |
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mood: .... music: silverstein - my heroin
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a timelaps. transported back in time to a period of low self esteem and uncertainty of who i am. kids can be unknowingly cruel. words spoken without regards of whether they might hurt or not. just child play, they dont know any better.
bee |
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3 souls - embrace the evil |
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| 02:21pm 20/11/2006 |
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mood: calm music: chamillionaire - ridin dirty
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well i found the car i want and my mom is gonna try and get it for me. its a 2007 vw rabbit. its cool yo. XD so yeah ill be home soon just a week and half really. im so excited cause i just didnt feel at home here. i cant wait for my PARTEH!!!!! =P yeah it should be pretty sweet. still need to make an official list of the people going.... lol i havent done that yet. well tonight ill be at my grandmas so give me a call if you want.
much love
bee |
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2 souls - embrace the evil |
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| 02:18am 20/11/2006 |
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mood:  tired but awake o_O music: justin timberlake - my love
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youre cute, youre beautiful, youre amazing, youre fun, youre grounded, youre crazy... in a good way, youre hyper yet mellow too. youre great and i wish to get to know you better. heh i know you wont read this but i just felt like saying this. sorry about the call lastnight. im so embarrassed about it but good thing i wasnt asking something really really random and bad. =P but anyways goodnight cutie and hopefully talk to you soon ^_^
bee |
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2 souls - embrace the evil |
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| "this is so hard"..... "its not suppose to be easy" |
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| 12:27pm 14/11/2006 |
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mood: depressed music: the red jumpsuit apparatus - your gardian angel
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id be lying if i said that i wasnt upset about everything. id be lying if i said i didnt wish i could just forget everything and go back to how we were. id be lying if i said i didnt miss you. id be lying if i said i hated you. id be lying if i said i never wanted to see you again. this is so hard for me and i know its not suppose to be easy like you said. but i know its for the best for both of us. i dont want you worrying about me and i dont want you being sad. im not worth you worrying about and im not worth you being sad. im not worth it...
bee |
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2 souls - embrace the evil |
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| 02:26am 01/10/2006 |
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mood:  silly music: the spill canvas - polygraph right now
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so yesterday igot a number of a girl from my friend kenny, this girl allie. first we called her just to fuck with her because its his gf's friend. but well i ended up texting her most of the day and being the flirt i am i was cheezy at times. =P so i was suppose to meet her lastnight but she had some other thing to do so yeah. well this morning she texts me at 830 IN THE MORNING!!!! an hour before i normally wake up but w/e we ended up texting ALL day. man she asks alot of questions and both kenny and missy think me and allie should date or something. both have talked to her about it. and from what ive heard from kenny allie tells missy about everything like how kenny said that she was my type to the t and this and that and yeah. shes really cute but i have yet to meet her in person. =\ but she is really cool too and i didnt even mind texting her all day and what not. oh btw im her favorite now because of the type of kisses i like. =P
this is allie
much love
bee |
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1 soul - embrace the evil |
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| 06:25pm 01/08/2006 |
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mood: what do i do?
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what ever you want ill give it to you. if its space you want ill leave you alone. im out of ideas here. im confused and lost. you honestly have no idea how im feeling right now. i dont know what to do.
bee |
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2 souls - embrace the evil |
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| to whom it may concern.... if you read this |
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| 10:18pm 20/07/2006 |
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mood:  sick to my stomach music: anberlin - never take friendship personal
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fuck it i dont care anymore. im done with you and everything you are about. you are a fucking liar and a fake. thats all youve ever done to me and now im through. im done with you. name one time youve been completely honest with me? you cant, can you? its because there wasnt a time you were. there wasnt a time you hadnt used me in some way. you are a fucking liar.
why cant people just be fucking honest with me? how many people, how many friends do i have that lie to me? am i that easily deceived?
the truth i can handle but its the petty lying i cant.
bee |
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embrace the evil |
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| 07:09pm 15/07/2006 |
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mood:  hot
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i cant believe how fricken hot it is here. not just hot but even humid. its not as humid as its in florida but damn its fucking close. i cant take it here. smoking is almost.... ALMOST not worth it but i cant help that. =P
much love
bee |
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embrace the evil |
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| 11:37pm 01/07/2006 |
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mood: depressed
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ugh im going camping tomorrow till tuesday. i loathe camping. i dont have a car charger so i wont be using my phone as much but i guess its ok cause no one calls me really anymore. um so yeah. whoopty fucking do im going camping.
w/e no one cares what i write in this thing. no one probably reads it anyways.
bee |
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3 souls - embrace the evil |
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| 01:26am 03/06/2006 |
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mood: depressed music: quiet hum of the computer
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im depressed again. im happy but im sad. the sadness is out weighing the happiness. -_-
bee |
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embrace the evil |
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| this is not a cry for sympathy its something i need to get out of me |
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| 03:21pm 22/08/2005 |
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on august 10th i started what was a planned family trip. we went to michigan to see my step dads family and then it was to kansas 3 days later to see my family. while in michigan we went out to dinner with michael's (my stepdad) family. in the restruant i sorta sat at the end because i was feeling alittle down because i was thinking of brandon. stacy (michaels brothers wife) came over and was asking me what was wrong. so i told her about my friend and what happened and then i began to cry in the restruant. i was over whelmed with emotion and i couldnt hold it back. i cried my eyes out that night. i miss brandon so much and it hurts to think that he is gone. that was thursday night. the next day my grandfather passed away. my grandfather was a saint. i loved him more than anything and would give anything to be in his place. that night my mom flew to kansas and i flew in the next day. after having plane trouble and being stuck at the airport for about 5 hours i finally get to wichita. i came the day i was suppose to but instead of going to spend as much time with my grandfather as possible he was gone. i get off the plane and get my luggage and my uncles and instead of taking me home they take me to the mortuary. i was in town a half hour and i was taking to the mortuary to see my grandfathers body. so i walk into the room and there he was. laying there not in a suit but still in his hospital gown. i began to cry hystarically. i walked up and looked him in the face. i saw the glue used to glue his eyes and mouth shut shimmer in the light and i couldnt take it. i turned to get out of the room but my mom stopped me and made me go back to say goodbye. so i turned and walked back and placed my hand on his shoulder and told him that i loved him more than anything and will miss him a great deal. then i said goodbye and ran out of the room. that night there was a party at the house. i wasnt very happy with the extended family because here there are at my grandfathers house havent a party and they didnt bring food. my grnadmather and aunt had to cook for everyone. the next day the same thing happened except this time they brought some food. tuesday was the service. i wore the same suit that i wore to brandons funeral. it was exactly 3 weeks after brandon's. after the service we went to the church and had a reception, again my grandmother paid for it. we took the urn home and that night i slept next to my grandfathers ashes. the next day before going to the cemetary my grandmother took my grandfathers ashes through every room in the house while crying. it was one of the hardest things i have ever watched. we went to the grave site and they put the urn in the ground. then everyone took a rose and placed it in the grave. i came home saturday |
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2 souls - embrace the evil |
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| it was like a horror movie |
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| 12:43pm 27/07/2005 |
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life is short and more precious than anything in the world. out of everything that "god" and i use that term loosely, but out of everything that god created human life is one of the most precious of them all. but sadly he made humans weak. life span is short, easy to become ill, many other things that make humans weak. but we persevere through all. we managed to pull through just about every hardship. i was faced with my own hardship yesterday, as was many. Brandon Scott Fryburg's funeral was yesterday. it was the hardest thing i have ever witnessed. the eerie prayer in hebrew, the soft cries of friends and family, and seeing my best friend losing it. it was too much for me. i couldnt take it and i broke down. the walls that i had built up have finally been worn down and finally broken. a friend noticed the tears rolling down my face before the funeral had started and he got me a handfull of tissues. as i sat there crying i just couldnt fathom the fact that brandon was there, in that casket. the life filled brandon that i knew that was always smiling and no matter how bad i felt when i saw him smile i couldnt help but smile back. i just couldnt understand that he was right there and i couldnt see him. i would no longer be able to see his smile, hear his laugh, or listen to his jokes anymore. i wouldnt be able to see him wearing that damn sweatshirt. that white GW sweatshirt. 90 degrees outside and he still wore that thing. but he smiled and refused to take it off. the brandon i knew was a great man, a great brother, a great friend. his time came too short and i would give anything to have him back. it shouldnt have been him there that day. it shouldnt have been us there that day. it should have been some bad person. someone that was a crimial or something. not a kid that was a hundred times better than anyone.
then they took the casket to the grave site. we all went outside and began walking towards the area. we saw jeter and i just walked up and hugged him and began to cry in his shoulder. if it wasnt for his class i would have never known brandon. i would never have had the pleasure of being apart of his life. i was glad to see jeter there yesterday. he was a good man and i know brandon loved him and jeter loved brandon back. i was silent the whole walk only being able to say one thing "scotty". he was walking infront of me and i wanted to see his face so i called his name and he turned around and i looked then kept walking without saying another word. we got to the grave site and there was a big crowd already. i found a spot where i could see the casket and then they began to lower it into the ground. it was heart breaking hearing brandons parents banging on the ground and brian screaming "dont bury my brother!". seeing both billy and sam crying in eachothers arms. then the casket was gone. it was out of my sight and i could no longer see it. they said another prayer or two and everyone placed a shovel worth of dirt in his grave. while everyone else left i stayed and place my rose in the grave before they filled it in with dirt. i stood there and watched the truck back up with the dirt then fill in the grave. i heard the sound of the dirt falling and i watched the hole become a mound of dirt. i will never forget that sound or the mound of dirt.
after that we picked up mariah and billy stayed looking for his great grandmother. we went to brandons house for shiva. it was a somewhat lighter mood there. sitting in brians room telling stories and laughing at the good memories we all had of brandon. a few times that night i felt sick to my stomach but i brushed it off. the thought that brandon use to live there. he use to run, laugh, play, smile, laugh, and love i was there. we ended up staying much later than expected and were the last to leave. our laughter was heard through the house as we sat in jamies and told stories of brandon. jaime confided is us. she told us about brandon the brother. the loving brother that he was and we told her about brandon the friend. the loving friend he was. the brother and the friend one and the same. we all laughed and shared our love for brandon keeping his memory alive and supporting eachother. Brandon will be missed but never forgot as the brother and the friend.
we miss you and love you with all our hearts.
much love
bee |
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2 souls - embrace the evil |
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| 09:39pm 26/01/2005 |
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mood: vroom vroom
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bleh day 2 of my car ownage. i can drive it with minimal stalling. i will eventually get use to it and i will be a pro at it sooner or later.
well i hung out with amy today after school for a few hours. had a fun time and we took lots a pictures. amy broke my cd and she took one half and i have the other half. im not too sure how it broke but ill just make another copy of it. i cant wait till tomorrow, the only thing i dred is my driving. but oh well if i stall out and its not the smoothest ride people will get over it.
much love
big bee |
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5 souls - embrace the evil |
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feindskater's journal